An Icy Pause

21 Friday Dec 2012

Posted by judithar321 in environment, health, inspiration, meditation, pets

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dogwood trees, ice, lady's mantle, lavender, nature, pine trees, Walden woods, winter weather

We woke up earlier this week to an ice-covered world. The dogwood tree outside the bedroom window greeted me looking like a cocktail hostess wrapped in a silvery sheath.

The glittery theme continued in the garden, where the lady’s mantle posed as a crystal chandelier resting on its side, and the lavender wore translucent stockings.

The driveway had a coating that was treacherous, but easily shattered like the best stained glass candy.

In the woods, it took us a while to negotiate the trail — why didn’t we remember to dig out our ice cleats?

Still, we walked. We saw tree branches, wrapped in ice, reaching across the path with ET-like fingers.

There was evidence of fairies messing with trees during the night.

And shades of Dr. Seuss.

Pine needles turned into elongated jewels.

It was as if the ice, in coating the plants, the trees, the driveway, and the trail, had also frozen time, and encased us in a cold but protective cocoon. A magic trick.

All too soon the trick was over, and time resumed its normal pace, as the ice quickly melted away.

Next week, I hope to replicate that magic by slowing down and savoring every quiet and not-so-quiet moment with loved ones. I hope you can do the same: take a breath and reflect, before we all gear up for 2013.

I wish all of you safe, happy, holidays, and health and joy in the coming year.

“If It Were Up to Me”

16 Sunday Dec 2012

Posted by judithar321 in adult children, environment, meditation, music

≈ 3 Comments

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"If it Were Up to Me", activism, Cheryl Wheeler, gun control, McBurney YMCA, Moms Clean Air Force, music, New York, Strong Kids Program

reflections of grief

Most likely everything that can be said about Friday’s tragedy in Connecticut has been said. Since Friday, I have been weighed down with a sadness that is punctuated by moments of extreme anger and disgust.

There are candlelight vigils to attend and petitions to sign, but nothing will undo what has already been done. As singer-songwriter Cheryl Wheeler sings below, “If it were up to me, I’d take away the guns.”

Right now, though, the one thing that has made me feel better at all, besides signing petitions and communicating with my own kids, has been to give money to organizations that advocate for children. There are plenty of them out there, but here are two that are near and dear to me.

Mom’s Clean Air Force: Like the proliferation of guns in our society, clean air is a public health issue. Air pollution hurts the most vulnerable among us. By pulling together the voices of mothers, fathers, and other engaged citizens, this organization works to counteract the lobbyists in Washington who fight for polluters’ right to dirty our air. The site provides up-to-date information and lists ways we can act in the interests of ourselves and our children.

Donate now, and for every tax-deductible dollar you donate by January 1, 2013, a dedicated funder will provide two additional dollars tripling your gift.

The Strong Kids Program at the McBurney YMCA in New York. I have a special interest in this program. My younger son taught these kids life skills for several years, helping them learn how to advocate for themselves, and my older son has done some academic tutoring there. I was often privy to dinner table discussions about how much potential each of these kids—who hail from every borough in the city—have, and how, with some consistent, adult attention, their lives could be improved.

Click here to donate.

“Do we have the courage to stop this?” asks Nicholas Kristof in his column in today’s New York Times, where he makes an excellent case for gun regulation. I hope we do. And I hope that our leaders will exhibit the kind of heroism we need right now, and stand up to, and defy the all-powerful gun lobby.

Christmas Traditions Aren’t Just for Kids

13 Thursday Dec 2012

Posted by judithar321 in adult children, aging, friendship, mid-life transition

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Chanukah, Christmas, Christmas tree, empty nest, family traditions, holidays, Second Lives Club

A hint of light. © Cheryl Fuller Sparks

Every year since he left home, a few weeks before Christmas, our younger son, our very own Kris Kringle, sends us a message. And every year, he asks the same question, “Have you bought a tree yet?”

For a Jewish girl growing up in a decidedly WASP town in Massachusetts, a Christmas tree, and not a Chanukah menorah, on display in the living room was an object of both scorn and envy.

Scorn because part of me liked being different, it somehow made me wiser, more sophisticated than my Christian classmates. Envy because I also wanted to be part of the group. In truth, my classmates weren’t very sophisticated, and a few of them viewed my Jewishness as a “weird” difference.

Luckily, I was able to partially resolve this conflict during my teenage years by showing up at my next door neighbors’ house on Christmas morning. They always made me feel welcome as I sat next to their daughter, my best friend, and watched as presents were handed out and opened one-by-one.

I didn’t care that there were no gifts for me under that tree, I just wanted to soak in their yearly ritual, along with the love and togetherness that they shared with such ease.

Christmas Tree Tradition

That experience is why I agreed to a Christmas tree when it came time to celebrate the December holidays with my own family. My husband is not Jewish, and like me, not religious. But his family did celebrate Christmas. And so the yearly tree entered my life.

Given my Jewish roots, having one on display in my own living room felt embarrassing the first few times. The embarrassment eventually faded, but my ambivalence toward the pine needles everywhere, the disruption to my orderly house, the Christmas chaos, has not. Each holiday season, my inner protest — before I grudgingly give in — is as predictable as Kris’s query.

Born in the dead of winter, Kris (not his real name) is a hard core Christmas enthusiast. The cold air, the snow, the gifts, and the tree, resplendent with lights and ornaments, and emitting its piney scent, have always excited him. In adulthood, his appetite for gifts has diminished— this year’s list was comprised almost entirely of necessities — but his love for the Christmas tree has grown stronger.

Christmas tree in the storm. © Cheryl Fuller Sparks

This year, however, Kris won’t be coming home. He’s in Morocco with the Peace Corps. His older brother enjoys the holidays too, but his is a more relaxed attitude. He doesn’t make it his job to call in and check on our progress with holiday preparations. He and his girlfriend, whose family doesn’t celebrate Christmas, will arrive on the 24th.

So I wondered whether we could forgo the tree. After all, Kris won’t be here to keep us in line. Then, the first week in December, this chat message popped up on my computer screen:

Kris: hey! christmas tree made

me: wow, cool! send a photo!

Kris: it’s more like a christmas pile-of-twigs-and-branches ….

Olive, palm, and fig.

As soon as I saw this photo, I knew that I wanted a tree in our living room this year. And not just because Kris will be looking for it on his computer screen during our Christmas Day video chat. His makeshift tree made me realize something.

Empty Nest and Family Traditions

Those family traditions aren’t just for our kids, they’re for us, too. If we discard them, our empty nest will feel even emptier. It doesn’t matter that we ultimately went for a tree, and not a menorah in our living room. The point is that we did something every year and we did it with joy and open hearts.

No matter how far apart and different our Christmas trees may be from year-to-year, putting them up in tandem will help us feel close — even when there is an ocean between us.

This year’s tree will honor the nearly 30 Christmas trees we’ve had as a family, and the 25 or so we’ve had since Kris was born. And it honors the love I felt in my neighbors’ home all those years ago.

I’ll think of that family as I do every Christmas morning. The parents are elderly now, and the kids live in separate states, but each of them will be gathering around a tree this year too.

Photo Credits:

“A hint of light” and “Christmas tree in the storm” by Cheryl Fuller Sparks.

“Olive, palm, and fig.” by Karsten Syversen.

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This piece was written as a guest post for Second Lives Club.

Finding Happiness on Mount Misery

08 Saturday Dec 2012

Posted by judithar321 in environment, friendship, health, inspiration, meditation, pets

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

dog walk, gloomy weather, Henry David Thoreau, Lincoln, Massachusetts, Mount Misery, Sudbury River

We woke up this morning to the steady patter of rain. A raw, gloomy chill hung over the house. Plus our newspaper was late. Blech.

Then at 9 am sharp, my phone rang. It was my friend Kathleen calling to invite Karina and me for a walk with her and her dog Zoe at Mount Misery.

After a few deep sighs, I accepted. After all, as Kathleen said, we have to walk the dogs anyway. We might as well go someplace different and more interesting.

Not nearly as bleak as its name suggests, Mount Misery is a set of trails a few minutes’ drive from our respective houses. Bordered on one side by the Sudbury river, its trails lead up a hill, through the woods, and past a pond. There’s farmland in the area as well.

The woods always feel so peaceful in the rain.

The mist and wet wood make all the colors and textures stand out in sharp relief.