• About Judith A. Ross

Shifting Gears

Shifting Gears

Tag Archives: work

Fall Forward

12 Wednesday Sep 2012

Posted by judithar321 in adult children, aging, environment, inspiration, mid-life transition, writing

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

empty nest, freelance writing, garden, work

There’s a definite chill in the air. Last night I layered two wool blankets on top of the summer one. Before long I’ll have to pull out the down comforter. Outside, the garden is making its yearly journey from the sunny yellows of mid-to-late summer, to the richer, more textural pinks, reds, and purples of my fall bloomers.

As the garden makes its turn into fall, and we pile on the blankets, it’s easy to wax nostalgic about the days when there were four of us rushing out the door each weekday morning. But I’m resisting that temptation.

Instead, I’m focusing on what I will make happen — as opposed to what might happen — next.

It’s been two years since I lost my job, and during that time, I have created a framework on which to build my days.  Daily walks with the dog, thrice weekly swims, and Tuesday and Thursday afternoons working at a local store, provide the bones for my week. In between each of those activities I work on my blog and other writing assignments.

The transition from the formal structure and demands of full-time employment and parenthood that I’ve clung to for most of my adult life, to the looser requirements of freelance work and empty-nest living, feels like a chasm that I will continue to cross for some time to come.

I don’t know if I will ever feel I have “landed” again. In fact, it’s possible that I’ve never felt that way. Not really. What I do know is that my current writing assignments, both paid and unpaid, feel more authentic, are more satisfying, and bring me more joy than anything I’ve done in the past. And, much to my surprise, this new work and lifestyle have brought me friends and supporters from some unlikely and even far-flung places.

Although I’m still working on how to turn this more joyful work into a decent income, I am grateful that I no longer have to fake excitement or passion when I don’t feel it. I can say what I mean and mean what I say. The ability to just be myself has been one of the most rewarding aspects of my ongoing transition.

This fall, I’m putting on some new shoes, and adding to my my already existing framework. My new DIY structure will continue to evolve. It may never be fully finished, but it will be strong enough and flexible enough to feed my brain and nourish my psyche. With luck and hard work, it might just sustain me through the ever-changing, always surprising, journey ahead.

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Karina’s Walk

17 Sunday Jun 2012

Posted by judithar321 in environment, friendship, pets, writing

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

environment, fairyland, fashion, MomsCleanAirForce, Thoreau's woods, Walden woods, work

When I wasn’t working at the store this week, I was writing a book review and a piece on air pollution.

And then there was that password-protected Father’s Day tribute. Sorry, but I didn’t want to  a.) gross you out with my sentimentality or b.) bore you with cute pictures of my kids, who most of you don’t even know. But husband loved it and that’s what counts.

Just so you don’t think I’m lying about all the busyness, here I am at my retail job. See? Busy, busy, busy.

Anyway, because I didn’t have time to write a post this week, Karina has graciously agreed to give you a tour of “her” woods.

Click on the arrow and she’ll lead you in.

Contemplating a Mid-Life Migration

04 Monday Jun 2012

Posted by judithar321 in adult children, aging, environment, friendship, mid-life transition, travel, writing

≈ 18 Comments

Tags

bird watching, Concord MA, David Byrne, empty nest, friendship, marriage, moving in mid-life, retirement, work

Last weekend we shared homemade pizza with friends on our back deck while a great blue heron sailed overhead. Throughout the course of the meal, we heard orioles singing and saw flashes of orange as they flitted across the yard between their nest in the willow tree and the fruit trees in our garden. A grosbeak, hummingbirds, and various other winged residents also made appearances as they went about their evening business.

When you aren’t confronted by the ticks, poison ivy, and mosquitoes, and don’t have to cut the grass, weed the garden, or shovel the driveway when you’d rather be doing something else, this place can feel like paradise.

We moved to Concord almost 20 years ago, and Paul and I still remember a day that first spring when we looked out a window to see our 10-year-old son trailing a pheasant across the back lawn, nearly stepping on the end of its long, sweeping tail.

Our pheasant-follower and his younger brother grew up here. They went to school here. And now they have both moved on to make their own homes and create their own exciting adventures. And as hard it will be to leave this house and yard behind, Paul and I are ready to move on too.

At least we think we are.

In an ideal world, we could create an oasis like this one in the middle of some city. A city that has sidewalks, public transportation, and a rich cultural life —all things that are missing and are sorely missed in our current location.

I want diverse neighbors, a corner store, a local cafe, and a bit of nightlife. I’d love to attend a movie or a concert and then walk home afterward while discussing what we’ve just seen or heard.

In his recent op-ed piece for The New York Times about New York City’s new bike-share program, David Byrne captured my idealized version of city living as he described the different routes he takes on his bike to pick up groceries, commute to work, or visit friends. And he talked about making his home in the big city.

“I just turned 60 and have no plans to retire to the suburbs,” he writes. “I love it here.”

“That’s what I want,” I thought. “A place I can fall in love with, a place that stimulates my intellect and fosters my creativity.”

But then, just below his paean to urban life was another op-ed by his daughter, Malu, who described the optimal environments of young artists like herself who have left the city because of its high cost and many distractions.

“I might have to escape New York to keep my artistic spirit alive,” she writes.

Somewhere between Byrne’s viewpoint and that of his daughter lies the crux of my dilemma. I want the bustle and excitement of the city but not the noise. I want to be able to move around freely even when—especially when — I am too old to drive, but worry that the constant press of people will grate on my introvert soul.

While any place that Paul and I are together will feel like home, I also want to find  my own niche. I want to write in my office and then meet friends for coffee at a neighborhood cafe, or spend the afternoon wandering around a nearby museum.

I know that there is no ideal place, there are only places that you make idyllic. Paul and I will take a few trips, and maybe someplace will click for both of us. Maybe no place will, and we’ll decide that this is the only home we want.

In the meantime, it’s fun to weigh our options and examine the possibilities. That’s the joy of being middle aged. Even with financial restrictions, we are as free as we’ll ever be to do what we want.

I will be sad when/if we leave this house and town that has become so familiar and where we have lived so much life. And I’ll miss those birds. But I’m also ready to follow their example. Yes, they return every spring, but in the fall they leave that empty nest without hesitation. They move forward.

It’s Not Your Age, It’s Your Attitude

22 Sunday Jan 2012

Posted by judithar321 in mid-life transition

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

aging, beauty, fashion, fitness, vanity, work

Middle age is definitely on my mind these days. After all, it’s the theme of this blog.

One thing I have struggled with is the concern that others may view me as somehow less interesting because I am “over the hill.” Lately, however, as I have stretched my legs and tried some new things, I have realized that my experience makes me more interesting, not less.

Age truly is an attitude. What does that mean? Well, for one thing it means chucking one’s rearview mirror and instead staying open to what’s ahead on the other side of the windshield.

In fact, hanging on to that rearview mirror can hamper you in the workplace, an idea that emerged in an interview I did a few weeks ago with business guru Margaret Heffernan.

In answering my question, What is your advice for a woman over 40 who has lost her job during this ongoing recession and is trying to get back in the game? She said,

One of the hardest things around this, that I’ve noticed with a lot of my former employees and friends, is that when they get stuck, it’s because they are looking for things to be the way they used to be.

Nothing ages you faster than talking about the “good old days.” Don’t like today’s online communication, for example? Well maybe getting a Twitter account will help you stay abreast of your adult son’s comings and goings. Following a blog might take you to some new and exciting places and inspire your imagination. And yes, there is nothing like receiving a letter in the mail, but isn’t it also great to see a loved one’s face as you video-chat with them over the internet?

My concerns about aging are also based in vanity. No one will ever mistake me for a 30- or even a 40-year old again, because the skin doesn’t lie. But lately, I’ve also realized that it’s better to accept these changes rather than obsess over them. Maybe beauty can come from something more than lucky genetics. It’s also in the way you carry yourself and approach the world. This theme cropped up in a couple of places last week.

First, in a piece by Garance Doré, a photographer whose subjects are often young, beautiful, and impossibly stylish. In this particular post, she focused on a 48-year old woman who has her own line of beauty products. Upon learning the woman’s age, Doré documented her inner reaction this way,

I don’t want to say that she ‘seems much younger’ (even if that’s the first thing I thought) because ‘seems much younger’ shouldn’t be the ultimate compliment. The ultimate compliment would be something like she’s ‘in amazing shape.’

She went on to say that, “…aging gracefully requires an attitude, coolitude, and a certain serenity.” These words felt downright uplifting coming from a style icon in her  thirties, whose work is steeped in the youth-obsessed fashion industry.

The idea that beauty is epitomized by being in “amazing shape” rather than looking young was echoed later in the week in a piece by my friend, Ronnie Citron-Fink over at Econesting. In “Stay Fit,” Citron-Fink mentions winning a Nastar ski race at age 50 and then shares a video of a 95-year old ballet dancer going through her daily exercise routine. Talk about serenity!

As I work to shed old attitudes and preconceptions, I’m learning that getting older has its advantages. My inner revolutionary hasn’t died. In fact, she is more alive than ever. And because I am learning to please myself as much as others, I’m also gaining the confidence to let her speak.

Yes, I am middle-aged. It’s time to let go and be who I am.

A blog about travels near and far, daily life, and issues that are bigger than all of us.

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