• About Judith A. Ross

Shifting Gears

Shifting Gears

Tag Archives: Valentine’s Day

Love at Last

14 Sunday Feb 2016

Posted by judithar321 in aging, inspiration, mid-life transition

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

love, Valentine's Day

MoroccanHeart2

Moroccan Heart

Ours was not a love at first sight. On a bright winter’s day, I trudged through knee-deep snow to greet you. It wasn’t until late spring, however, that I agreed to see you again.

To begin with, you were compact, rather plain, and, to my then young but critical eyes, a bit homely — nothing at all like the ideal I had carried around in my head for so long. But after our second meeting, I let caution go and decided to give you a try. “It doesn’t have to be forever,” I thought to myself.

During our first year together, we faced some serious challenges. More than once you suffered from a lack of energy that caused your lower extremities to fill with water. And I spent more time with doctors and in hospitals than I ever could have imagined. And yet, you were stalwart — always there, patiently waiting for me to come home.

I have since learned to appreciate your modest looks and embrace your efficient and can-do approach to life. As the years passed, I helped you buff up your rough edges, gave you one or two makeovers, and then watched your quiet beauty emerge.

MoroccanHeart

In return, you protected me through more physical and emotional storms than I can count. And you taught me everything I know about patience, persistence, and the value of building on what you have, rather than looking for something new.

You let me make mistakes and I learned important lessons from each one.

Moving in with you, however, was not a mistake. Like two dancers, we developed a feel for each other’s frame and learned how to move together with grace. After 23 years of cohabitation, we both wear the patina of age.

It is only now, as we prepare to part, dear house, that I realize how deeply I love you.

SnowySunset

This post is part of a Valentine’s Day series on Women’s Voices for Change.

 

 

 

 

Advertisement

A Recipe for Love from the Men in My Life

12 Wednesday Feb 2014

Posted by judithar321 in adult children, marriage, meditation

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

Daily Plate of Crazy, food, love, Morocco, Pizza, Shakshuka, Valentine's Day

Shakshuka photo

Shakshuka

It has taken me half my life to associate food with love. For many years, especially when I was a young, single, working woman, food was fuel consumed with a large dash of guilt, and I closely monitored my intake.

But recently, I’ve realized that morsels of edible love have been coming my way for a long time—most of them prepared by the men in my life.

It started with my dad, who would cut my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches into four precise pieces. “Triangles or squares?” he would ask.

My relationship with my father was a rocky one and I often found him difficult to be around. But whenever I envision those tender triangles of grape jelly and creamy peanut butter layered between two slices of Pepperidge Farm white bread, the negative feelings fade away, and I feel cossetted and adored.

Once I became the mother of two young boys, the “food as love” concept was delivered more forcefully through a traditional Mother’s Day breakfast in bed.  One year, “fortune” muffins were on the menu. A soggy slip of paper baked inside one of them announced in a penciled scrawl that I was “The Best Mother in the World.”

These days, that message of love, folded into a heaping cup of caring, is delivered with more subtlety via elaborate meals cooked by those same boys, now fully launched adults. Shakshuka—a spicy mélange of vegetables, feta cheese, and eggs—and crusty homemade pizza are among their specialties.

They absorbed this technique from my husband, who has also delivered a steady stream of edible love notes throughout our long marriage. There have been more pots of chicken soup to cure a cold than I can count, and for much of our time together — especially after the boys arrived — he has taken on what I once viewed as the daily drudgery of putting a meal on the table.

At first, cooking was a novelty. A rich minestrone soup or homemade brownies were a way to impress boyfriends, and, I naively thought, get them to take me seriously. But once I’d hooked my man via quiche and a curried mushroom soup, the novelty wore off when we became ensconced in family life. It was no longer fun to deal with food through the nausea of pregnancy and later through the film of fatigue and time pressure that came with combining work and kids.

But lately, there’s been a shift. I no longer get defensive if I don’t have an answer when asked, “What’s for dinner?” (What kind of wife/mother was I that I didn’t have a week of menus at the ready?) Now that we both work from home and it’s usually just the two of us, I look forward to the discussion — and even manage to plan a few meals in advance.

Homemade pizza and shakshuka are on regular rotation. They are my favorite meals, because when my husband and I are kneading dough, or chopping herbs and feta, it’s as though our sons are here too. I’m surrounded by my men, cossetted and adored all over again.

The Recipes (Shakshuka and New York Pizza)

The first time I ate shakshuka was in my older son’s Brooklyn apartment. He moved around his compact kitchen with ease, chopping and tossing ingredients into the pan like a pro. Watching him do all the work was incredibly relaxing. It was the best breakfast I’d had in a long time. Later, he sent me the recipe, which came from the New York Times.

Younger son is a Peace Corps volunteer in Morocco, where all baking takes place over a gas flame inside a blue box. Oven temperature is gauged by eye. Pizza is not readily available there, and he often makes it when other Peace Corps volunteers arrive at his door. Recently, he sent us this recipe for New York Style pizza. The dough is best, he says, when it’s left to rise in the refrigerator for three days.

The Pizza King, photo courtesy of Kitty O'Riordan

The Pizza King, photo courtesy of Kitty O’Riordan

This post is part of a series on Food and Love over at Daily Plate of Crazy.

Old Love Makes Us New

15 Friday Feb 2013

Posted by judithar321 in aging, friendship, marriage

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

love, Valentine's Day

stencil1

During my early twenties I occasionally frequented an Asian restaurant near my rent-controlled apartment in Boston’s Back Bay. The menu included a list of soft drinks, with descriptions. I have forgotten its name, but there was  a Japanese beverage described as “the taste of new love.” Right under it was Coke, “the taste of old love.”

Old love vs. new has been on my mind lately — and not just because of Valentine’s Day.

A few weeks ago, after a particularly anxious morning, I leaned against my husband, wrapped my arms around his chest and rested my head on his shoulder as he stood with his back to me, looking out the kitchen window. When he reached up and grabbed my arms, my anxiety evaporated. “This is it,” I thought, “old love.”

Is old love really like Coke? Sweet, syrupy, and heavy? And is young love somehow lighter, more carefree —more fun?

stencil2

Well, I’d say that while both old and new love can be fun, they each have their share of angst. One is a fancy, new shoe that needs breaking in, and the other is well-worn and molded to every curve of your foot. One may pinch and cause blisters, the other sometimes feels a little tired.

Old love may lack the excitement of learning about a new person and seeing oneself through fresh eyes, yet when the partnership continues to grow, solidify, and reach new levels, it can delight as never before — with the added advantage of allowing both partners to feel safe in just being themselves in ways not always possible when love is new.

stencil3

I feel extraordinarily lucky to have made it to “old love.” When Paul put his arms over mine that morning, I felt a measure of love and safety that I can’t get anywhere else. That comfort not only reassured me, it rejuvenated me and enabled me to face the day with good cheer.

Our love may be old in years, but it makes us new every day.

cake

A blog about travels near and far, daily life, and issues that are bigger than all of us.

Recent Posts

  • Intentions
  • From Concord to Concordia: A Late-Life Migration
  • Dear Mr. President, Please Don’t Extinguish My Energy Star
  • I Vote for Clean Air
  • Love at Last

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 385 other subscribers

Blogroll

  • 3191 Miles Apart
  • 66 Square Feet
  • Athenas Head
  • econesting
  • Food and Fiction
  • Lost in Arles
  • Second Lives Club
  • Slow Love Life

Places my work appears

  • Center for Effective Philanthropy
  • Harvard Business Publishing
  • Moms Clean Air Force
  • Talking Writing
  • Women's Voices for Change

Archives

  • August 2017
  • May 2017
  • March 2017
  • October 2016
  • February 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012
  • October 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • July 2012
  • June 2012
  • May 2012
  • April 2012
  • March 2012
  • February 2012
  • January 2012

Categories

  • adult children
  • aging
  • art
  • books
  • discipline
  • environment
  • friendship
  • health
  • inspiration
  • marriage
  • meditation
  • mid-life transition
  • music
  • pets
  • politics
  • travel
  • uncategorized
  • work
  • writing

Twitter

Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
  • Follow Following
    • Shifting Gears
    • Join 197 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Shifting Gears
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...