Morocco was never on my travel wish list. New Zealand, Iceland, and Brazil were all possibilities. But a visit to a predominately Muslim, developing country in northern Africa? I hadn’t even considered it. All of that changed, however, when my 26-year-old son Karsten joined the Peace Corps.
The fact that he was assigned to work there not only put Morocco squarely on my radar, it allowed me to transcend the typical tourist experience and literally break bread with ordinary Moroccans—people whose language, dress, and culture are very different from my own.
I’ve been home just a couple of weeks, and I’m still sifting through the many sights, sounds, and tastes of my trip, yet there’s one aspect that stands out—the connection I made with the women I met there.
My first introduction to a Moroccan woman was, oddly enough, during a video chat. My husband and I were conversing with our son shortly after he had arrived in Sefrou for training, when he invited his host mother, Fatima, to join us. At this point, Fatima had already nursed our son through one illness and had given him his Moroccan name, Karim.
In what remained of my high school French, I tried to thank her for taking such good care of “mon fils.” While my French vocabulary failed me, my facial expression and our immediate connection did not. “Avec plaisir,” Fatima replied with a smile that blew through the miles and burst through the screen like a warm breeze.
A year later, Karsten now lives in Tinghir, a city located south of the High Atlas Mountains, where he teaches life skills, like typing and AIDS awareness, to a co-ed group of local teens. During the week my husband and I visited him this past April, he and a Moroccan counterpart organized games and exercises to help his students develop confidence and communication skills.
“There is definitely a feeling of sisterhood among the women here,” he told me one morning as we walked through town.
I felt the truth of that observation almost immediately. On the first full day after we arrived in Tinghir, I found myself sitting upstairs from Karsten’s place in his landlord’s apartment, surrounded by a group of women wearing the traditional hijab (head scarf) and ankle-length skirts or dresses.
Laila, who speaks a little French, was decorating my hands with henna. Rachida, who had her young daughter in tow, spoke to me in English. The rest, friends and relatives of my son’s landlady, chattered away in the local Berber dialect.
Without my son present to translate, I did a lot of nodding and smiling. But Rachida clearly wanted more than just small talk.
“What do you think about the head scarf?” she asked me. (Most of the mature women I encountered in Morocco wore the traditional head scarf and a long dress or skirt — at least out in public —but not everyone does.) I told her that I thought it was fine if a woman chooses to wear it. She nodded her head and said that the “choice” was sometimes dictated by a strict father or husband. I had the feeling that Rachida was talking about herself. She clearly regretted not continuing her education. Once they are married, she told me, “Moroccan women are responsible for everything.” It was a lament I was to hear from other women as well.
I felt the full force of Rachida’s assertion a few days later when my husband, Karsten, three of his male friends, and I drove through a nearby town, passing cafes overflowing with male customers, while the few visible women were on the road, laden with babies, groceries, or bundles of alfalfa they carried home on their backs to feed the family donkey.
On that day, my femaleness, even more than my Western appearance made me self-conscious. I felt truly alien, oppressed by the difference between this place I was visiting and the place I call home.
Yet those differences seemed to dissipate whenever I was with a Moroccan woman; even if my daily outfit of jeans and a long-sleeved T shirt clashed with her long dress and hijab, even if we couldn’t communicate through talk, her friendliness, interest, and generosity fostered a feeling of camaraderie that coursed through our time together.
Where did this feeling of sisterhood come from? Part of it, I’m sure, had to do with the high esteem these women have for my son and the respect he shows them. In fact, one conversation I overheard between Peace Corps volunteers during an earlier leg of our trip was focused on ways they could teach their young male charges to treat girls with more respect.
Moroccans are naturally hospitable, and making strangers feel welcome is an ingrained part of their culture. Family is very important there as well, so having “Karim’s mama and baba” in their home was considered something of an honor. Beyond that—and I don’t know this for sure—I believe that our mutual femaleness in a male-dominated society triggered the sense of sisterhood that Karsten observed, and that I experienced.
For example, one morning, Aisha, Karsten’s landlady, showed me how to make the flat, round loaves of bread that are served with almost every meal. As she demonstrated her muscular kneading technique, rotated loaves of bread in and out of the oven, and cut up vegetables for a tagine—all accomplished with her 2-month old daughter strapped to her back—we also managed to commiserate, in our mutually limited French, about the challenges of nursing a newborn throughout the night.
Surprisingly, this feeling of oneness wasn’t just limited to encounters with adult women. The hugs and kisses I received from the 12-year-old daughter of Karsten’s Tinghir host family made me feel like a revered and much-loved aunt. And then there was our 10-mile trek to Todra Gorge with Karsten’s Leadership Club.
The walk, which wound through the local oasis and up a dusty road to the gorge, took about four hours. While some of the boys reached out to me, I spent most of the hike surrounded by teenage girls who were determined to teach me a few words of Berber. By the time we reached the gorge, I had a vocabulary list. By the end of the day, I had been given cookies and candy, offered the use of a coat and some lip gloss, and had acquired several new Facebook friends.
I was lucky enough to see these girls on two more occasions, when we accompanied Karsten to his classes at the cultural center. I will never forget Hayat, who was both patient and persistent when teaching me how to introduce myself and ask others their name in her native language. And I will cherish my conversations with Kaoutââr, who will soon be leaving for the university to study medicine and whose nose is constantly in her schoolbooks. Nor will I forget the feisty Soukaina or the other Hayat, a tall, lanky athlete in a headscarf who can out-throw, out-catch, and out-run all the boys when participating in my son’s American football club.
Several times during our visit, Karsten mentioned the Peace Corps mission to help “promote better understanding of other people on the part of Americans.” I’d say they are achieving that mission.
The next time I look at a photograph of a Moroccan woman, I won’t see a stranger, I’ll see a friend.
This post was also published today on Women’s Voices for Change.
What a beautiful post Judith. I’m so glad your trip brought you so much joy. Reading along I felt as though I was there with you. What an incredible experience.
What a beautiful post. Should I travel this is the experience I would want. What you gained in opening your heart and mind to the people of Morocco I am sure will stay with you forever. I feel the bittersweet connection you made with the women in your sensitive description of their daily lives. Ii hope you stay in touch!
This post exemplifies what I most hope for when I read or hear travel stories: a full-hearted, articulate recounting of the traveler’s interactions with the people s/he has encountered, and the traveler”s thoughts and feelings about those people and interactions. Bravo, Judith, for traveling the way you did and for the wonderful way your are writing about it.
That you became part of a sisterhood during your visit is a tribute, in part, to the kind of traveler you were: open, curious, interested, non-judgmental and respectful enough of local custom to cover your body except for hands, feet and head. You and Paul must have nurtured those traits in Karsten, given how highly he is regarded by the people with whom he works and lives. His, and your, time in Tinghir not only has helped “promote better understanding of other people on the part of Americans” (Peace Corps mission), but also has helped promote better understanding of Americans by other people.
The henna decoration on your hands is a beautiful symbol of the sisterhood you share with the Tinghiri women you spent time with. May it last forever in your memory.
What a great piece! You present a complex picture of Moroccan women, one that most Americans don’t get a chance to see. The hijab is a choice for some and not for others–but it is also a marker of religious and national identity. A Muslim women should never be reduced to the fact of the head scarf, because that, in itself, explains nothing. But your capsule portraits of the Moroccan women and girls who you met gives them each their own spirit and spark.
This is so beautiful, Judith. I set it aside to read when it could have my full attention and I am so glad that I did not to mention grateful to you for your honesty and perspective. Merci, amie. And I know that your new friends in Moroc would thank you too…
Thank you everyone for your thoughtful comments. This was, indeed, the trip of a lifetime and I feel so lucky that the people we met were so open and interested in getting to know us as well. The trip has also changed my perspective on travel and will impact how I approach any trips to come.
I am glad you enjoyed the Moroccan Experience in Southern Morocco! Your post reminded me of my childhood and all the places I visited while I was growing up in Ouarzazat.
Mo A Moroccan living in the Uk
Mo,
Thank you for stopping by! Yes, I loved my time in Morocco. Our son would like us to come back before his service there ends next spring. Even though its not likely we will return, the generosity of the Moroccan people will stay with me forever.
Very nice. I was also a Volunteer in Morocco from 2004-2006 in a small village outside of Marrakech. Your son will have many ups and downs but he will be forever grateful for the experience. I’m so happy you were also able to benefit form such a rich experience. I wish you and your son the best of luck.
Oh my, Elbert — am I just seeing this now? Thanks so much for commenting and for your good wishes. Yes, there have been many ups and downs. Being the only American can sometimes be isolating, but we are able to communicate easily with video chats, which is nice for all of us. Very different from the early days of Peace Corps where letters arrived every 6 weeks or so.